Homeless

Yesterday, I moved out of my apartment. I would like to say that it was just a hard day of work and when I was done I just sat down and relaxed; however, this is not true. We moved out all day and when we were finally done I had most of my stuff in my car. I moved the stuff I would need with me so I could go stay in a friend's apartment for the next 10 days. I got to the apartment...sat there for probably 15 seconds and started to cry.

I can tell you for sure that I don't necessarily like having all of my stuff in my car, and I don't like not really having a place that feels like home that I can run back to if I need it. The friends that I am staying with are great and are already so accommodating...it is not them, it is most definitely me and my sinful patterns of needing control that have already been the problem in all of this.

I know that moving out of an apartment is not what made me upset...but it's the feelings of needing help or dependency. When I looked around at the apartment I was staying at, I had no other option than to clutter their place up and just push my stuff through the door. I had made a big mess, wasn't quite sure where everything was, and I didn't have all the control that I can normally create by being super organized. I didn't even like that when I looked around the kitchen, I had limited food...didn't own any of the dishes, etc. I knew that I would need to be dependent and allow others to care for me for the next week and a half without being able to have it the other way around.

This really had me thinking when I woke up this morning. I know as a Christ follower that I am called and blessed to love on all of the people around me. I know that I am asked, in doing that, to take care of my brother's and sister's, and to live in an unselfish way; however, when it comes to me accepting that same love, I have a hard time. I don't like the idea of allowing someone, even another Christ follower, to love me in helping me do things. I think that it is my job to love those around me and I don't need love...and that is simply not true. If I were the only person who could love and help others all the time and didn't need anyone's help, then the glory and power of Jesus in all of us is not what the bible says it is. We all, as Christ followers, are called to love one another, and to be able to love others is just as important to be able to accept love from others. Love can be a one way street, but especially among believers, it is sinful for it to be. Scripture tells us to be constantly loving one another, so denying that love, is denying the body of Christ and unity among believers.

If I do not accept Christ love (which can be shown to me through a variety of many things from scripture to acts of other believers, etc.) then I am de-valuing what Christ desires to give me and show me. Also, if I can't accept the love that other believers can give to me, why would I expect the same of them?

Loving one another is a privilege we have in becoming more like Christ. Also, accepting love from one another is a privilege we have in being the body of Christ. I think this is the lesson I am learning right now...