Homeless

Yesterday, I moved out of my apartment. I would like to say that it was just a hard day of work and when I was done I just sat down and relaxed; however, this is not true. We moved out all day and when we were finally done I had most of my stuff in my car. I moved the stuff I would need with me so I could go stay in a friend's apartment for the next 10 days. I got to the apartment...sat there for probably 15 seconds and started to cry.

I can tell you for sure that I don't necessarily like having all of my stuff in my car, and I don't like not really having a place that feels like home that I can run back to if I need it. The friends that I am staying with are great and are already so accommodating...it is not them, it is most definitely me and my sinful patterns of needing control that have already been the problem in all of this.

I know that moving out of an apartment is not what made me upset...but it's the feelings of needing help or dependency. When I looked around at the apartment I was staying at, I had no other option than to clutter their place up and just push my stuff through the door. I had made a big mess, wasn't quite sure where everything was, and I didn't have all the control that I can normally create by being super organized. I didn't even like that when I looked around the kitchen, I had limited food...didn't own any of the dishes, etc. I knew that I would need to be dependent and allow others to care for me for the next week and a half without being able to have it the other way around.

This really had me thinking when I woke up this morning. I know as a Christ follower that I am called and blessed to love on all of the people around me. I know that I am asked, in doing that, to take care of my brother's and sister's, and to live in an unselfish way; however, when it comes to me accepting that same love, I have a hard time. I don't like the idea of allowing someone, even another Christ follower, to love me in helping me do things. I think that it is my job to love those around me and I don't need love...and that is simply not true. If I were the only person who could love and help others all the time and didn't need anyone's help, then the glory and power of Jesus in all of us is not what the bible says it is. We all, as Christ followers, are called to love one another, and to be able to love others is just as important to be able to accept love from others. Love can be a one way street, but especially among believers, it is sinful for it to be. Scripture tells us to be constantly loving one another, so denying that love, is denying the body of Christ and unity among believers.

If I do not accept Christ love (which can be shown to me through a variety of many things from scripture to acts of other believers, etc.) then I am de-valuing what Christ desires to give me and show me. Also, if I can't accept the love that other believers can give to me, why would I expect the same of them?

Loving one another is a privilege we have in becoming more like Christ. Also, accepting love from one another is a privilege we have in being the body of Christ. I think this is the lesson I am learning right now...

Condemning and Encouraging

I am at a point of disgust. I am at disgust with myself and am at disgust with many of the relationships I am in and this is because of the sin of condemnation. When we condemn one-another, and point-out all of the sin we have with each-other (including in ourselves) and we do this not because of Christ or because of His love...we are living in sin. (Can condemnation really be in Christ's love? I think not. Correction and rebuking, yes, but condemnation?) I am being reminded of a few conversations I have had recently and all they have been are conversations of condemnation. With people I hold dearly, I cannot remember some of the conversations I have had with them where I have encouraged them or felt encouraged myself...this is scary!

I am reminded of a sermon I listened to a month or two ago and the pastor was talking about how the way we think about ourselves, or the person other people tell us we are, is very influential because that is often the person we become. This is scary because I am noticing how true it is. I am thankful and blessed because I have a lot of close friends and I notice I act differently around some of them because of the way that they think I am. I can think of a time or two when I was told that I lived a life of no grace, and all truth. I was told this as a matter of joking, but unfortunately, started to believe it whole-heartedly. Thankfully, later on, a friend approached me and encouraged me in battling that lie and commenting that was not true of life. Sad story short - when I am with that friend that did encourage me, I am more likely to encourage them and approach their life with both truth and grace...but when I am with the "only truth" friend I have become just that...only truth, and I hate that about myself...and struggle with condemnation in that.

So what's the point in me saying all of this? I condemn other people all too much and when I do so and it is not out of love...I'm sure that these people condemn themselves, and sometimes become a person who is NOT true of who they are if they have Christ. Likewise, I need prayer because I have felt condemned all too much and struggle with giving my life over to Christ, living as His child, and living knowing that my sin does not define me; nor am I who or what other people tell me I am.

My prayer is for encouragement...to encourage others and to even understand that I need encouragement myself. It is right to correct one-another in love...for sure (and I know I need that much of the time) but if all we're doing is condemning there is no encouragement! Also, correcting in love and condemning are not the same tasks and I think I need to learn that. I need to learn to encourage those around me in Christ because if we are not encouraging and loving one another it is a scary place for us to be. Let's face it...the world is a hard place to be as a believer, and as Christ followers we need each other and that definitely means loving one another and pointing each other to Christ!

"For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." - 1 Thess. 5: 9-11

PS Sorry, I know this is confusing, I was rambling, and I am not spell/grammar checking...

Hope it makes some sense!